in my completely accurate and objective opinion:

  • Javascript: you are a frontend web dev (hopefully)
  • C++: you spent too long learning keywords and classes, you might as well use them
  • Rust: you like big naked men butt booty wrestling
  • Asm: you dont know what a ‘type’ is
  • Go: you have chosen a perfect language.
  • React: you know its not a framework, so then it must be a language, right?
  • Python: either a child, or an ai expert
  • C: you are a better programmer than everyone else, because you know what a pointer is
  • PHP: rich
  • C#: learning game development just because you like video games
  • Swift: idk really. something to do with apple?
  • R: ???

i use Rust btw

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Perl: You’re an old nerd who remembers before Python was a thing, or else a nerd who really likes funky syntax and symbols everywhere and PHP just wasn’t right for you.

Raku: You’re an old nerd who remembers before Python took over from your former beloved Perl and instead of opting for simpler, cleaner syntax, you decided that being able to go the other way entirely was absolutely for you, or else you’re a nerd who likes really, really funky syntax and Python, PHP and even Perl seem too much like kids toys.

Ada: You’re an old nerd who was taught it at some college or other or else you’re an engineer writing mission critical systems and this is the language everything is written in and no-one will switch to anything else.

BASIC: You’re an old nerd (you might be sensing a theme here) who taught themselves programming at some point in the '70s, '80s or '90s and you’ll get around to learning another language some day, but right now this interpreter you found online that runs in a console window suits you just fine.

Shell scripting: You’re a nerd who really ought to rewrite some of those unwieldy beasts in something else at some point but you’ve learned it this way and don’t have time for anything else right now. Time for another hack.

Powershell: You’re a nerd who’s found something that “really makes sense, you know?”

COBOL: See Ada but exchange “mission critical” for “banking”.

Prolog: You are a nerd who plays Towers of Hanoi in their head for fun.

Haskell: You are a nerd whose flying saucer is a glass dome followed by a function that describes the rest of it, which may or may not be the same function that described the glass dome in the first place.

Lisp: You are a nerd for whom parentheses make you feel warm and fuzzy, if not other feelings that cannot be spoken of in polite company. If you like Emacs, you like Emacs.

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