The telegram app has a very nice interface, but I want to use a self hosted xmpp chat server.

Is there maybe a fork of telegram that makes it work with a self hosted xmpp server? I would imagine that this is possible.

If not, is there anything that at least gets close to how nice telegram UI is?

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If you don’t strictly speaking need XMPP, you might want to checkout Jami which is a peer-to-peer based chat app with a fairly polished UI. It still definitely feels like beta software at times though, so more of a “be aware of it and check in on it” than “actively use this for all of your chats” sort of thing.

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