When I had the issue with mariadb demon been killed, I think either in dmesg or syslog there was an entry reading "Out of memory: Kill process… " or similar.
In principle any DAV client should work. On Android, I use DAVx5 and Tasks.org to access my Nextcloud. On Thunderbird + Lightning, you can e.g. use SOGo connector or TbSync to use the address books, calendars and tasks.
That’s odd. I hate closed eco systems.