I’ve been on the Fediverse since 2016, and I still get a little mixed up by how things work.
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Think about it this way. In real life, you choose who you associate with for many reasons. Do the same in the Fediverse. If your instance gets blocked look at your fellow users as to why, and to the admin policies of your instance administrators. The biggest issue is when Federation ends because that is disruptive. Keep in mind instances mostly never federate with all other nodes. They cannot. Some are illegal, others just full of bad actors and trolls.
I agree that it should be a last resort and it usually is. But when it happens look to your instance not the one de-federating.
Hard disagree:
the fediverse is inherently pseudonymous, you can’t tell for sure who your peers actually are (and that’s a good thing)
Even if you could, it’s not practical to background check every single individual on your instance
Even if you could, you might find some people with diverging opinions without knowing for sure if that is sufficient ground for your whole instance to be banned by others (and whom)
Even if not, you can’t predict future behaviour of people on your instance
Even if you could, it doesn’t matter because ultimately only your own doing (and not that of others) should determine who gets to interact with you